i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
