either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
