some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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