If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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