wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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