My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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