dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
