I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
