dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
