Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
