Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
