Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
