when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
