She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
