some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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