watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
