Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
