As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
