Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
