Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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