ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
