I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
