he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
