I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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