I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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