I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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