"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
