there was a trapeze. enough said
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Never underestimate the power of titties
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
