dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
