I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
