The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
