Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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