My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
