In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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