guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
