Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
