I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was confusing and full of hummus
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
