oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
