why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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