The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
