woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
