In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
