How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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