Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
