Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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