just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
