she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
