It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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