What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
