You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
