i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will be naked everywhere
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
