O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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